


Chasing my death ..a closure

by Surisun



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dying Stiles, Gen, Hurt Stiles, POV Derek, Sick Stiles Stilinski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8782507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surisun/pseuds/Surisun
Summary: This is a possible end to my other story chasing my death that you can read separately but would make more sense if you read the original story first.............................Stiles Stilinski always knew he came with an expiry date,  I mean what do you expect from a guy who had cancer all his life and a strong suicidal tendency on top...





	

"Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things "  
........................

Derek POV

" He is wasting. .right in front of my eyes. .He is nothing but a bag of bones with a layer of skin above now..ghostly white skin with a tinge of blue that doesn't seem to fade away despite the oxygen cannula in his nose, chipped lips that are too pale and blend perfectly with the rest of his ashen features, and bony hands that dig painfully in my own every time I hold them..

He sleeps a lot now, and he barley eats..doctors say that this is how he is gonna go..slow small steps till one day he is going to go to sleep and never wakes up again.. One day his eyes won't open , even in the heavy lidded way they do now.. it is so strange how this broken human is anything of the rude boy I met few months ago. .The boy with the sharp tounge and tricky words ..I mean that boy was broken too at so many lavels but at least he acted arrogant enough to cover it with being a jerk , even in front of the people who cared for him. .especially in front of the people whom he cared for.. now though. . he is this..This frial creature who barley speaks and barley smiles..

He spends most of the time listening now even that the Stiles who I know can only likes listening to his own voice. ."

" is this how it ends ?"

" is life really damn cruel enough to take away every little thing that made him , HIM.

Sometimes, I can see the horror in his eyes when he gets little aware of what is happening to him. I see sarrow in his eyes ..refusal... but then he gets too weak to put on a fight..his eyes blink few times before he is back to his deep slumber ..

He is fading..like a burnt candle that fights to stay flickering when it had obviously melted. . I knew him for a short time but I can't seem to be able to let him go. .he warned me that this is going to happen, that I will get attatch , but I didn't believe he can actually be right. .As it turned out, Stiles can be right about a lot of things , and that time was no exception . I guess this is how things happen with Stiles, his life time is too short that people around him doesn't need years or decades to actually care about him ...to love him..

You cross path with someone who was so sick for a very long time, I mean no death could be more expected , but it turns out that expected dosen't equal accepted or easy or less hurting, does not make you deny less or get less angry, because no matter how you prepare your self , death finds a way to sneak around and surprise you when you are not looking, leaving only the pain behind...so much pain that it catches in your chest and you can't breathe...

This excruciating pain is so intolerable and sadist. It makes you think that maybe you are dying, too, even wish for it ,but again, death is way too elusive...

Sometimes..If you are lucky enough. .you can recover the death of loved ones .It is slowly, oh so agonisingly and unbelievably slowly, and it leaves a thick raised scar behind. I have a lot of those ,one for each one of my parents and family who died in the fire, one for Laura and one for Paige .. But now an extra one is being digged in to my soul next to the others refreshing the same hot white pain all over again .It is way too early to be healed and forgotten. . it is only still being digged.

Grief is not something you get over it, it is something you live with... . And as much it feels so personal and intimate, I am not alone. .

There is a thick black wrap of sadness around the hearts of everyone in the pack..We didn't have a pack meeting in forever, because every time we see each other we cannot help but to glance around for the someone who is missing , Stiles is missing, and suddenly his abcsense is too difficult to be filled, it is a void, and voids cannot be fixed. .

Scott is broken. .

I can't get around him without smelling the salty tears and the pungent guilt..he spends alot of time in the hospital but he is seldom in Stiles room , he says he can't see Stiles the way he looks now but he needs to be near enough to catch his heartbeats. .he says they are getting slower and weaker every day , and it is not like I didn't know that, too ,but hearing the's words..the way that Scott says them manege to always hurt deeper.

He says he may not be able to survive it , Losing his best friend after finding him, " he is my brother " he says and I fear the way his wolf howels and trembles when he does.. If he lost control, the pack is going to break and our enemies will take advantage of this, but again what can he do ,;Scott is still a kid and he has the right to grieve his dying freind, who am I to deny him that? I let him cry whenever he needs and replace him in the petrols going around the town and making sure there are no threats around to break the sacredness of his grieve.

And there is Lydia, too

The BAMF girl who doesn't seem as strong nowadays. She wears black most of the time not bothering with any make up..and even though she doesn't cry in front of anyone , her eyes look puffy and red rimmed most of the days.

She snaps on Jackson all the time with no actual causes but just to storm out angry.. Yeah, she is angry, and she is looking for a cover for her anger, even though we all know the true reason behind what she is doing, even Jackson who takes what she gives him in silence, not minding that she is using him to get it her emotions out..

Something that is totally unlikely from Jackson. .

But..this is how deep core Stiles reached us..

When I go to the hospital every day, I notice how little things change , a new nurse, a new "get well soon" card , a new wire added to Stiles endless wires..but in the background, the sheriff is always there, the man who lives chronically with the pain of sickness and loss, the man who proved me how humen being can be strong beyond the imagination. .

He sits there on the plastic chair besides his kid's bed , holding his hand and stroking his face , and even smiling at him whenever he opens his eyes.. I wonder how he he can do it? Where did he get his endless supply of patience and strength? Will he still have them when Stiles is gone? My heart aches in the way he pleads him with his eyes, begging him to not let go yet assuring him that he can let go when he is ready with so many mixed emotions and guilt shinning like a halo around him .

The most saddening part is that he seems to believe that Stiles may get better. .

He is waiting for a miracle. .

But can life beats death?

The truth is we would never know. .till the very last moment. .because, till now at least Stiles is not dead ..

Stiles is alive..

 

But then it is Monday. .

Stiles goes to sleep at night and never wakes up. .

**Author's Note:**

> Sad endings always break my heart. .even when they are the most suitable way to give a strong closure to the story..  
> So I had this internal struggle because this was the original end of the story but I couldn't be one hundred percent sure about it ,being sad and all..  
> This is why I decided to make this as a  
> separate work and leave the end of the original story to further thinking. .maybe it will be something similar or maybe it will be completely different. .who knows?  
> Anyway, Hope you liked it..


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